I Studied Over 200 Kids — These 7 Toxic Parenting Habits Lead to Mentally Weak Kids

As parents, it’s our job to give our children the tools they need to face difficulties without breaking down.

I have studied more than 200 relationships between parents and children and I am also a mother. My goal has always been to teach children how to process resentment and move on. Mentally strong children know how to regulate their emotions, trust themselves, and bounce back after setbacks. And this type of strength is built at home, in everyday moments between parents and children.

Here are seven things you should avoid if you want to raise mentally strong children.

Children build resilience by learning that they can overcome difficult situations. When you rush to solve every problem, you rob your child of their resilience. Let them fight through the discomfort while remaining present as their secure base.

What to do: Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour says Children who regularly face age-appropriate challenges build stronger emotional regulation over time.

If your child forgets their homework, let them face the natural consequences rather than taking them to school. Then talk about what you learned and how you can plan differently next time.

It’s okay to lose your temper sometimes. But parents who raise mentally strong children don’t pretend something didn’t happen — or blame the child for “making” them react.

Mental strength happens when you overcome problems without destroying confidence.

What to do: If you criticized them, say, “I was stressed and took it out on you. I’m sorry.” Your child will learn that mistakes don’t end relationships and that taking responsibility is a strength.

This models what experts call “breakage and repair”, a fundamental concept in connection and emotional intelligence.

Repressing big feelings like anger or sadness teaches children to fear their own emotions. Strength comes from knowing that resentments are manageable.

This is also where children practice social resilience. If they know that anger or sadness won’t destroy their bond, they will be more prepared to face rejection or conflict with peers.

What to do: When your child is upset, avoid saying, “You’re okay.” Instead, say, “I know this hurt a lot. I’m here for you.” Your calm presence teaches that emotions are not emergencies.

A child who only feels valuable when he can crumble under pressure. Mentally strong children know that their value does not depend on grades or trophies.

What to do: Studies show that perfectionism is rising in children, which is linked to anxiety and burnout in adolescence.

After a bad grade, avoid saying, “You’re smarter than that.” Instead, say, “I’m proud of the effort you made. Your grade doesn’t define you.”

Authoritarian parenting appears strong, but it breeds weakness. When children are never given a voice, they learn to collapse or rebel. True strength grows when they are asked to make decisions, learning that their voice matters.

This is also how children develop autonomy: they practice independence while remaining connected to their guidance.

What to do: Research shows that giving children a sense of control increases motivation and reduces power struggles. Let your child choose between two chores or help decide what’s for dinner. Small choices build confidence.

Some parents, without knowing it, expect their children to regulate from them stress, comforting them. This emotional role reversal is harmful.

What to do: Instead of saying, “You’re making me sad,” try, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a moment to calm down.” It is not your child’s job to control the nervous system.

Children raised to glorify productivity become exhausted adults. Show them that strength includes knowing when to take a break, recharge, and value yourself beyond constant production.

By demonstrating rest, you teach body awareness: how to recognize signs of stress and respond before burnout.

What to do: Say, “I’m going to rest for 20 minutes. Taking care of myself helps me feel better.”

Mental strength is all about helping children face difficult things, feel their feelings, take control, and rest – knowing they are deeply loved for who they are.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious and creative education FOUNDATIONSa step-by-step guide that helps parents heal and become emotionally safe. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy children. Connect with her at Instagram.

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